sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
