He is an equal opportunity slut.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
