I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
