I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
