Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My hand turned me down
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize