just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
