a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
