Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
