In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the day after is always just damage control
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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