There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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