I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
