I cockslap morals
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize