I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
