I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
