Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
