It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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