she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
