My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
