i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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