We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
