I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
