If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
