final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
