9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize