I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Someone came in the potted fern
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
