That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
