dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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