I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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