Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
