I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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