He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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