I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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