So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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