I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize