Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
