Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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