matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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