you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
