I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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