saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
