I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a naked man in my car right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
