go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
