woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
