whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
