Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
