We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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