I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
