Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
