and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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