oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
