There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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