NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
