well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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