eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
