Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
