Nicole vs. Life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
