If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
