wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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