dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
