if you like me you must not know who I am
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
