I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
