At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
