Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
