Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
