God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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