She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
