She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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