Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
