im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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